Why One Comment Can Haunt You: The Neuroscience of Online Hurt
Jul 2, 2025, 18:00
Even when we know it’s “just the internet,” some words cut deep. Neuroscience explains why — and how to protect your mind.
It was just a comment.
Maybe it was under your post. Maybe it was a reply to a message you left, or a sentence tossed out in a group chat.
You knew better than to take it seriously. You told yourself, “It doesn’t matter,” or “That’s just the internet.”
And yet, hours — even days — later, it still lingers.
Why is that? Why do some words from strangers manage to leave such a sting?
The Brain Treats Words Like Threats
To the brain, social rejection feels like physical pain.
A now-famous study from the University of Michigan used fMRI scans to show that being excluded or insulted activates the same brain regions — like the anterior cingulate cortex — that process physical injury.
Evolutionarily, this makes sense. In our ancestral past, being ostracized from the group could be a matter of life and death. We’re wired to treat social threats with urgency.
That’s why one offhanded insult from a stranger can feel more intense than a thousand likes from our friends.
The Negativity Bias Is Stronger Than Ever
Our brains naturally prioritize negative information over positive. This is called the negativity bias, and it helped early humans survive by remembering threats better than compliments.
In the online world, this bias works against us. You might get 40 kind comments and one rude reply — but guess which one your brain replays all night?
It’s not your fault. It’s your neurology.
Why Online Makes It Worse
Online comments often hit harder because they lack context.
When someone criticizes us in person, we get tone, facial expression, timing — all the nonverbal cues that help us interpret intent.
But text on a screen? It’s stripped of nuance. The brain fills in the blanks, and it usually fills them with threat.
Add in the asymmetry of the internet — where strangers can lob insults without accountability — and it becomes the perfect storm for emotional injury.
So What Can We Do?
We can’t control other people’s words. But we can build buffers between their input and our wellbeing. Here’s what helps:
1. Name the Feeling
Instead of pretending it didn’t hurt, try this:
“That comment made me feel dismissed.”
“That message made me feel attacked.”
Naming it brings the pain out of your reactive brain and into your prefrontal cortex, where you can process it with more control.
2. Interrupt the Loop
Your brain loves to replay pain — it’s part of the default mode network.
Try snapping yourself out of the loop:
●Focus on something sensory.
●Say (out loud if needed): “Not now.”
3. Reclaim Context
Ask yourself:
Would I care about this person’s opinion if we met in real life?
Are they in a position to truly know me?
Often, the answer is no. And your brain needs to hear that logic.
4. Build an Emotional Firewall
Just like we don’t eat every piece of food handed to us, we don’t need to emotionally ingest every comment we see.
Not every opinion deserves a home in your mind.
Yes, we’re smarter than this. We know internet trolls aren’t worth our energy. We know one stranger’s opinion doesn’t define us.
But our brains don’t always care about logic — they care about safety.
That’s why one small comment can still hurt. And that’s also why it’s okay to take it seriously — not because it’s true, but because you are.
Your feelings are valid. But they don’t have to be permanent.
