Lonely in a Crowded Feed

Why Social Media Leaves Us Wanting More

Jun 27, 2025, 18:00

We’ve never been more connected — or more alone.

Social media platforms promised a new age of togetherness. No matter where you live, you can check in with your childhood friend, cheer for a cousin’s wedding, or watch a stranger’s dog learn a new trick. You can like, comment, share, and feel like you’re part of something bigger. And yet, many of us close our phones with a hollow feeling in our chests — lonelier than before.

So, what’s going on? Is social media the villain in our story of modern isolation, or is something deeper at play?

The Brain on Likes and Follows

To understand this, we need to peek inside the brain. Social media taps into our dopaminergic reward system — the same neural circuitry involved in addiction. Each “like” or notification triggers a small release of dopamine, giving us a fleeting sense of pleasure or affirmation. It’s the same neurochemical high we get from eating sugar, gambling, or winning.

But dopamine is short-lived. The more we chase it, the harder it becomes to feel satisfied. This creates habitual checking — not because we’re fulfilled, but because we’re trying to fill a gap.

The Trap of Comparison

Another factor is social comparison, a deeply human instinct magnified by our feeds.

In everyday life, comparison happens with context. We see our friends’ wins, but also their setbacks. Online, we see highlight reels — filtered faces, exotic vacations, career milestones. Our brains misread these curated snapshots as reality, and we end up comparing our behind-the-scenes to someone else’s best moments.

This comparison activates the medial prefrontal cortex, which governs self-focused thinking — and it can leave us feeling inferior, even when we intellectually know better.

Social Media ≠ Social Support

Humans evolved for co-regulation — the sense of safety and calm we get from close, in-person connection. A look, a touch, shared laughter — these things signal trust to our nervous system.

Social media offers interaction, but not the kind that regulates our biology. The result? A kind of emotional malnutrition. We’re fed interactions that don’t truly satisfy. And when digital connection replaces physical presence, we may end up feeling more isolated — not less.

Research supports this. Higher social media use — especially passive consumption (just scrolling) — correlates with greater loneliness, anxiety, and depression. Active engagement (commenting, messaging) is somewhat better, but even then, it can’t fully replace real-world interaction.

It’s Not All Bad

It’s tempting to demonize the medium, but the reality is more nuanced. For many, social media is a lifeline — a source of community, belonging, and validation when real-life support is scarce. Vulnerability, activism, education, humor — these can thrive online.

The key is intention.

Are you doomscrolling? Or reaching out to someone you care about?

Are you consuming without context? Or engaging in ways that feel real?

Social media, at its best, is a tool for amplifying human connection. But it can’t create it from scratch.

So, Is It Making Us Lonelier?

Yes — and no.

Social media isn’t inherently isolating. But it is designed to exploit our emotional instincts: our need for approval, our drive to compare, our hunger for closeness. If we’re not mindful, we can end up overstimulated and emotionally underfed.

In the end, the question isn’t whether social media makes us lonely.

It’s whether we’re using it in ways that nourish our relationships — or in ways that quietly erode them.

Because behind every like, every post, every scroll… is someone trying, just like you, not to feel alone.