Why We Crave Belonging — Even Online

Jun 26, 2025, 12:00

You’re scrolling through comments on a post. You weren’t sure how you felt about the topic — until you saw dozens of people expressing the same view.

Suddenly, you feel more certain. Maybe even a little braver about speaking up.

Why?

Because you’re not alone.

From prehistoric hunting parties to modern group chats, we humans are deeply influenced by one thing: being part of a group. Not just emotionally, but neurologically.

But what happens when that ancient instinct meets the digital world?

Evolution Made Us Group-Dependent

In our evolutionary past, being alone often meant being vulnerable — to predators, starvation, or social exclusion. Our ancestors survived by forming tight-knit communities, relying on each other for food, protection, and information.

The brain adapted accordingly. Researchers believe we developed strong neural systems for social bonding and cooperation, particularly involving oxytocin and endorphins — chemicals that reinforce feelings of connection and trust.

Loners didn’t just risk isolation. They risked death.

That’s why even today, social rejection activates the same brain regions as physical pain (Eisenberger et al., 2003). The emotional sting of exclusion is not metaphorical. It’s biological.

Safety in Numbers — Still Wired In

Group belonging creates a sense of psychological safety. You’re more likely to speak up when others already have. More likely to defend a view when you know someone shares it.

This isn’t weakness. It’s efficiency.

The brain, facing uncertainty, takes shortcuts — and consensus is a shortcut. If everyone in the tribe ran from the rustling grass, maybe there was a predator. If no one ran, maybe it was just the wind.

In psychology, this is called social proof. We often interpret others’ behavior as evidence of what’s safe, acceptable, or correct — especially when we’re unsure.

The Online World Hijacks This Instinct

The internet gives us constant access to group dynamics — but without the usual physical cues. No eye contact. No voice tone. Just numbers: likes, upvotes, followers.

And our brains still respond.

A study in Science (Muchnik et al., 2013) found that positive social feedback — like upvotes — significantly increased the chances that others would upvote a comment, even if the content hadn’t changed.

It wasn’t about quality. It was about momentum.

Even worse, group identity online can harden into echo chambers, where conflicting views feel like threats, and agreement feels like validation.

Safety becomes sameness. Dissent becomes danger.

Loneliness and the Digital Tribe

We also have to consider modern loneliness. Despite being more “connected” than ever, rates of isolation are rising globally.

In such an environment, online communities become emotional lifelines.

When you find a subreddit that understands your niche struggle, or a Discord server that shares your interests, you’re not just browsing.

You’re belonging.

And belonging — even virtual — reduces stress, boosts immune function, and increases dopamine release in social areas of the brain.

In other words, it feels safe because the brain treats it as real.

But Is This Always a Good Thing?

Group belonging is powerful — but not always healthy.

  ●It can fuel mob behavior, where individuals act out things they never would alone.
  ●It can lead to deindividuation, where personal responsibility blurs.
  ●It can cause us to silence ourselves, out of fear of being “othered.”


In extreme cases, people stay in toxic online spaces just because they feel seen there.

The need for belonging outweighs the cost of discomfort.

That’s the paradox: our tribal wiring hasn’t changed, but our environment has.

Now, we belong not just to families or villages — but to fandoms, forums, and hashtags.

And each of those shapes how safe (or unsafe) we feel.

So What Should We Do With This Knowledge?

First, recognize the instinct. When you find yourself swayed by group consensus online, pause. Ask:

“Am I thinking this because I believe it — or because I want to belong?”

Second, remember that digital safety is not always real safety.

A thousand likes won’t protect you from bad information or unhealthy thinking.

But one genuine connection — online or offline — might.

And finally, respect the need behind the instinct.

We don’t seek groups because we’re weak.

We seek them because we’re human — and evolution has taught us that safety often comes in numbers.